Monday, January 3, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Why I'm Finding Myself...
Everybody said my husband and I had the perfect marriage. Hell, even I said I had the perfect marriage.
Then I found out my husband slept with his coworker.
This was less than two weeks ago. December 21st, to be exact. Four days before Christmas.
I had my mourning period consisting of multiple episodes with my head in a toilet and the freak out of having to schedule a doctor's appointment to see if I have any STD's and the sleepless nights that only Xanax fixed and my Christmas Eve meltdown on Twitter that my virtual friends pulled me out of, selflessly spilling their own tears on their laptops on a night that they should have been asleep, all snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads.
This mourning period isn't over. I know that. This process has only just begun. But it's not the process of divorce that I'm talking about. It's the process of finding me after him.
So, you're asking why I have to find me if my marriage was so perfect. Perfect marriages are works of art with equal give and take and endless communication... Guess I didn't have such a perfect marriage after all. I didn't have either of those.
That hurt the most, I think. I'd spent seven of my twenty six years with this man, only to be slapped across the face that what I had with him was a lie. But was that the only lie? Was I myself a lie? I remembered a different me before I became this stagnant homebody. I was spontaneous. I saved up money to go on vacations. I challenged myself.
I didn't do that anymore.
Where had I gone in those seven years? Why did I change? Was it for him? Am I still in there? Is this my chance to get back to who I was? That's what this blog is going to follow.
Call it my "Eat Pray Love" challenge. That movie is the reason that I started thinking about all of this to begin with. It was a life-changing couple of hours, I guess you could say -- an eye-opening look into my own life and what was missing.
So here I am. On Blogger. Thinking you care about what I'm about to embark on over the next however many years of my life. Maybe nobody will read this. Maybe a few people will become genuinely interested. Maybe I'll be the only person that this will help. I'm okay with that. I think I just need something to keep me positive and motivated.
Losing everything is terrifying and crippling, but I'm not willing to let him and what he did keep me down for the rest of my life. I need so much more. I deserve more. So here I go!
Stay tuned for the challenge!
Then I found out my husband slept with his coworker.
This was less than two weeks ago. December 21st, to be exact. Four days before Christmas.
I had my mourning period consisting of multiple episodes with my head in a toilet and the freak out of having to schedule a doctor's appointment to see if I have any STD's and the sleepless nights that only Xanax fixed and my Christmas Eve meltdown on Twitter that my virtual friends pulled me out of, selflessly spilling their own tears on their laptops on a night that they should have been asleep, all snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads.
This mourning period isn't over. I know that. This process has only just begun. But it's not the process of divorce that I'm talking about. It's the process of finding me after him.
So, you're asking why I have to find me if my marriage was so perfect. Perfect marriages are works of art with equal give and take and endless communication... Guess I didn't have such a perfect marriage after all. I didn't have either of those.
That hurt the most, I think. I'd spent seven of my twenty six years with this man, only to be slapped across the face that what I had with him was a lie. But was that the only lie? Was I myself a lie? I remembered a different me before I became this stagnant homebody. I was spontaneous. I saved up money to go on vacations. I challenged myself.
I didn't do that anymore.
Where had I gone in those seven years? Why did I change? Was it for him? Am I still in there? Is this my chance to get back to who I was? That's what this blog is going to follow.
Call it my "Eat Pray Love" challenge. That movie is the reason that I started thinking about all of this to begin with. It was a life-changing couple of hours, I guess you could say -- an eye-opening look into my own life and what was missing.
So here I am. On Blogger. Thinking you care about what I'm about to embark on over the next however many years of my life. Maybe nobody will read this. Maybe a few people will become genuinely interested. Maybe I'll be the only person that this will help. I'm okay with that. I think I just need something to keep me positive and motivated.
Losing everything is terrifying and crippling, but I'm not willing to let him and what he did keep me down for the rest of my life. I need so much more. I deserve more. So here I go!
Stay tuned for the challenge!
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